Moonstone
by Jemariel
Summary: SLASH!! Remus finds out about Sirius' crush on him in a less than perfect way.


Summary: SLASH!! MWPP era, year 5. Remus finds out about Sirius' crush on him in a less than romantic way. (Gee, everyone's wondering what the pairing is now, aren't they? ^_^)  
  
Rating: R, even though it is a tad extreme. Better safe than sorry, eh?  
  
There is a prologue to this (Werewolves: An Essay) which will give you a better understanding of this story, (like what the note actually *says*) :) and you should definitely read that first. It'll take you ten minutes, twelve if you drop me a review.   
  
Now, on to the usually this&that:  
  
Warning: What follows is slash. Two boys at the age of sixteen fall in love. They dance, they kiss, they smoosh, they go home happy, and if you don't like it no one's forcing you to read it and you've had plenty of time to say no. You know where the back button is. If you really feel like flaming me, go ahead, more smores for me and my buds at Slashers Unite. :) Hi everybody!!! :kisses and cream soda for everyone!:  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. (That honour belongs to the big-suits at Warner Bros.) I didn't create them either. (That was the work of JK Rowling, a far better writer than I but with more constrictions because *I* don't have to follow traditional writing formats because *my* work will only be seen by a few eyes rather than a few million. ^_^)  
  
AN: My muses thank Xris for faithfully betaing for me. :) Btw, the boys are sixteen, because I wrote this to be past both of their birthdays (think of this as sometime in March or April).  
  
~*~Moonstone and Diamond Dogs~*~  
  
~Chapter One~  
  
Sirius Black groaned as he trudged his way into reality. He'd been having such a nice dream. A very, very nice dream...one involving Remus Lupin and lots of fuzzies and kisses. Those were always good. Why did the damned sun always have to intrude right as they got to the good part?  
  
Sirius noticed idly that he was still in full clothing, robes and all, lying face-down on top of the bed covers. A golden light fell accross his bare feet, the early morning sun warming his skin. That must have been why he woke up. He couldn't stand to have one part so much warmer than the rest. He pulled his legs up and put his head back down to enjoy the silence before everyone else woke up.  
  
As he stared into nothing, a glimmer caught the corner of his eye. He looked to where it was coming from, and saw that the creeping sunlight had finally caught the honey-golden head of the sleeping form on the bed kitty-corner to his own. Why Remus Lupin always slept with his feet to the wall was a mystery to all who shared their dorm, and a running joke that passed all throughout Gryffindor. It was one of those many little perplexities that had made Sirius fall so deeply for him.  
  
Staring now at that ray of gold, time had no meaning to one Sirius Black. He was lost in a world of vision, the world narrowed down to the gentle passage of that sunlight over the sleep-mussed hair, the peaceful, childlike face, the softly breathing chest...Sirius adored watching people sleep, especially people he loved. While other children crept into their parents beds and curled up with them when they were frightened, Sirius Black had merely come to their bedside, crouched down, and peered at his mother's face as she was lost in her dreams. That had always worked to calm him down, and morning would find him curled in a fetal position on the floor. Now, he watched, and watched, until the still form began twisting, tossing, face contorted into an expression of agony and hate and sorrow. Sirius froze, the dreamy half-smile fleeing his face. Remus turned toward him, a hand reaching out to him, silevtly pleading for Sirius to save him from the monster that was eating him alive only to spew him back up, let him heal, then to devour him again in a month's time. Sirius knew what sad dreams had captured his beloved. They happened every month within the week before the full moon. He knew that there was nothing he could do about it, nothing he could do to help, and the thought killed him.  
  
He remained motionless until Remus sat up with a cry, cold sweat beading on his forehead. Sirius forced his tense body to relax, closed his eyes and feigned sleep, knowing how ashamed his beloved was of the monthly nightmares.  
  
Remus looked around, seeing the familliar bedclothes, drawn-back hangings ~Damn, I forgot to close them again~ and bedside table. The early-morning sunlight streamed in through one window, lighting his pillow and most of the room. In the other beds, his roomates slept, Peter's snores rattling the bedposts, and James looking all but dead in his stillness. Remus' gaze stopped on the balled-up form of Sirius Black. And the previous night rushed back to him.  
  
Forgetting his nightmare-he was used to them by now-Remus reached for his table, snatching a wad of paper from it's surface. Unwinding it, he saw the blocky scrawl of Sirius' hand. He'd read this scrap of parchment many times last night, each time finding it to be more unbelievable than the last. Sirius Black, the boy who'd shared his room, his classes, his friendship, for nearly five years, loved him. Was *in love* with him. Remus didn't know whether to be flattered or confused. The young werewolf had never taken his flamboyant friend for the type who liked other boys. He'd flirt with every available female in the school without blinking an eyelash. But...maybe it was all show? Perhaps he was trying to keep others from knowing that he was gay? Or, possibly, he really *did* like girls but had a penchant for boys as well; or maybe it was just Remus.   
  
~Or maybe you're thinking about it too much,~ said a voice in Remus' head.   
  
~Well, what am I supposed to think about?~ Remus argued with it. ~One of my best friends is in love with me. I do believe that should be given some thought.~ He blinked. ~Great, now I'm talking to myself.~  
  
Remus read the note again, and sighed. He'd deal with it later. Peter's snores were getting softer and you could actually see James breathing. Sirius wasn't asleep. Remus had known that from the moment he woke from his nightmare. But he was pretending. ~He was probably watching me sleep and doesn't want me to know,~ Remus thought a bit ruefully. ~Oh well. Best hide the evidence.~ He tucked the paper into his table drawer, got out of bed and began dressing. He paused a moment in taking off his night shirt, and threw a half-glance in Sirius' direction. The boy was still pretending to be asleep, and it was probably only his imagination that one of his eyes was slitted open, watching him. A blush crept through his skin and he fought down a smile. He knew that having his friend secretly watch him undress should have bothered him, but it somehow...didn't. It was actually kind of sweet.  
  
~*~^~*~  
  
~Funny glance number six thousand seven hundred and eighteen,~ Sirius thought, confused. Remus had been giving him odd looks all day. He couldn't quite tell what they meant, and that was driving him insane. He sighed and shook his head. ~Never try to penetrate the inner workings of the mind of Remus Lupin unless you are fond of headaches,~ Sirius thought, before returning his attention back to his Transfigurations assignment.  
  
~*~^~*~  
  
~Just tell him that you read the stupid note!~  
  
~I can't!~   
  
~You don't have to tell him how *you* feel about him...~  
  
~Which is good, because I can't even tell myself.~  
  
~But he needs to know that you know how he feels.~  
  
~But...~  
  
~What?~  
  
~Can't I tell someone else first, to practice? And after the full moon? This is making my head hurt.~  
  
~Fine. Tell James. Tell Peter. Tell Lily. Hell, tell Severus Snape if you want, just tell someone. Get it off your chest, and believe me, you'll feel a lot better.~  
  
~Alright. After the full moon.~  
  
~After the full moon. Promise you won't make me come back and remind you?~  
  
~Yeah, ok.~  
  
~Ok.~  
  
"Great." Remus muttered, pushing his lunch around his plate with his fork. "Sure, Remus, *have* conversations with your own psyche and call yourself nomal."  
  
"What was that?" James asked.  
  
"Nevermind."  
  
~*~^~*~  
  
It was the full moon. The hardest night of the month for all of them. James, Peter and Sirius could never sleep on those nights. Remus was taken, sometime near sundown, to the Whomping Willow, and from there to the Shrieking Shack near Hogsmeade. The other boys knew this, but wouldn't dare to follow, at least not until they were Animagi. So they'd sit in the common room and play Exploding Snap or wizard's Chess until dawn, when their exhausted and wounded friend was brought back to them by the nurse, disconnected and a good deal less sane than usual. But human. They always brought him back human.  
  
Peter and James sat near the fire, a chess board between them and broken pieces littering the floor around them. Sirius sat nervously in a window seat, fidgeting, shifting every once in a while and staring out at the moon. The knut-sized, waxy-white sphere was beautiful, that wasn't in dispute, but still...the thought of the terror it brought to his love was unthinkable. Why did the transformation have to be so painful? Other than that, werewolves were beautiful creatures. Or at least, Sirius had always thought so. Even in wolf form, as he'd seen Remus only once, he was a gorgeous being. If he could keep his mind during his monthly change...if he could remain a human but have the wolf's body...he would be...Sirius shuddered. ~Best not to think about that,~ he chided himself. ~Or the others may find themselves wondering why you go back up to bed so quickly.~ With a sigh, Sirius returned his thoughts to the world outside the window. ~Kinky bastard...~  
  
James worried his lower lip as Peter thought about his move, and looked at Sirius with a calculating expression on his face. The long-haired boy had gotten progressively more distressed on these nights over the past year. Come to think of it, Sirius had been more...what was the right word? Attatched? No, that wasn't quite right. Protective? No, not that either. Affectionate. Still not quite right, but as close as we're bound to get. He'd grown more affectionate toward Remus Lupin over the past year or two. Like he was....falling in love. No, that was ludicrous. Sirius wasn't like that...was he? No, he'd tell us. What if he doesn't have it figured out yet? James sighed and returned his attention to the chess game.  
  
~*~^~*~  
  
~Well?~  
  
~Well what?~  
  
~It's after the full moon.~  
  
~...Yes.~  
  
~I thought you promised I wasn't going to have to remind you of this.~  
  
~I'm getting to it...I just haven't found the right time to tell him.~  
  
~Who are you going to tell anyway?~  
  
~James. He'll understand. He'll keep it a secret.~  
  
~Yes he will. But he won't have that secret to keep if you don't *tell him.*~  
  
~Alright, alright! I'll do it!~  
  
~Tonight?~  
  
"Tonight."  
  
"What?" Peter asked, confused. "What's tonight?"  
  
"Nothing." Remus lied.  
  
~*~^~*~  
  
It was a good thing that James and Remus were both avid readers. And that they both preferred the relative quiet of their dorm to the social hustle and bustle of the common room. Many nights found the two boys alone in the almost-silence, the muffled sounds from the common room a pleasant drone.  
  
Remus had gone nearly an hour without turning more than a page. He glanced up at James, lying on his stomach in the bed next to him, his book open in front of him and the light above his head on. ~I suppose now's as good a time as any,~ Remus thought with a sigh.  
  
~That's better.~  
  
~Shut up.~  
  
~Ooh! Fiesty now, aren't we?~  
  
Remus ignored the voice and set his book down. Reaching into the pocket of his robe, he pulled out the creased, wrinkled parchment. Unfolding it and rereading it for the hundredth time ~I could probably recite it from memory~ he got up and sat down on the edge of James' bed.  
  
The other boy looked up. "Problem, Remus?"  
  
He nodded, and spoke in a halting voice. "James...have you ever known something...about someone else...that concerned how they felt about you? And you weren't entirely sure if you felt the same in return, and you think they should know that you know how they feel about you, but you don't just want to blurt it out to them so you go to a friend and tell them first to practice?"  
  
"Um...no." James answered, a bit confused.  
  
"Well, I have. And you're the friend." Remus thrust the note at James, not trusting himself any further. There was an agonizing moment while James read and reread the note, thinking, drawing the same conclusions that Remus had come to.  
  
Finally, he sat back and nodded, his lips pursed. "Mmhmm. I thought so."  
  
Remus was anxious. "What? You thought what?"  
  
"I had suspiscions that he liked you. Where'd you find this?"  
  
"In the common room, a couple days before the full moon. Why did you have suspiscions?"  
  
"Because of the way he acts on full moons. He's nervous, fidgety, moreso than me or Peter. And the way he acts around you, as opposed to when you're not there. He's more...I don't know, more confident, but at the same time more...focused on one person, that being you, than the others in the room. I don't really think he knows he does it, but he stares at you every chance he gets. And his mood depends on your reaction to him. When you compliment him, his eyes light up in a way that's positively adorable. But if you've ever seen him after you chastise him...it's like his whole world revolves around you. I'm saying too much, aren't I?"  
  
Remus nodded, his face a riddle of emotions. Could Sirius really be that much in love with him?  
  
The answer came imediately. Yes. Sirius never felt anything halfway. He either felt nothing at all or everything at once, all with a passion that would frighten some people.  
  
"I think I'll go to bed now." With eyes that didn't see, Remus stood and went to get into bed, but stopped at a vauge "pssst" from James. He turned to see him hold out the parchment. Remus looked at it like he didn't quite know what to make of it for a moment, before taking it with a mumbled "thanks." Acting half as though he was holding a priceless antique, half a venomous snake, he put the paper in his pocket and lay down.  
  
He lay a moment, just staring through the ceiling with a troubled expression on his face. After an uncomfortable few minutes, James quietly exited and went downstairs to seek happier company. Remus didn't even acknowledge his parting. He also didn't acknowlege when Sirius, Peter, James, and Arthur came roaring into the dorm talking and laughing and began getting ready for bed. James noticed worriedly that he hadn't moved in the hour or so since he'd left. Sirius glanced at him a few times with a question hovering just behind his lips, but it was never uttered and the nearly comatose state of his roommate was dismissed. The others paid him no mind. Remus didn't respond when they called out their goodnights to no one and everyone. He barely blinked as they turned off the lights and settled down for the night. He lay there, unmoved and unmoving, for hours after Peter's snores began rattling the windows. By the time he finally closed his eyes and dropped into a fitful slumber, he'd only gotten as far as ~Now what?~  
  
~*~TBC~*~  
  
As soon as possible, kiddos. As soon as possible.  
  



End file.
